NORFOLK DOULAS

You may know some collective nouns for various animals, such as: a flock of birds; a pod of hippos; a crash of rhinos (my personal fav!), but did you know that the collective noun for a group of doulas is a cuddle? Yup, it’s true.
Why a cuddle you might ask? There was a study conducted on the benefits of cuddling on human physiology and what it found was that this simple human contact lowers cortisol levels (stress hormones), increases oxytocin levels (love and nurture hormone), lowers heart rate and blood pressure and generally helps to restore an equilibrium to the body and mind. Studies on the efficacy of doulas have alluded to similar effects. I don’t know who actually coined the term ‘cuddle of doulas’ but it couldn’t be more apt. So you can imagine what it’s like when a bunch of us get together! It’s like diving into an ocean of oxytocin.

Did you know that we have our very own cuddle of doulas in Norfolk? Yup, in our own little county we have a bunch of amazing, passionate woman whose mission it is to support and nurture women and families of Norfolk. And when you tap into a Norfolk Doula, you are accessing the whole cuddle of wisdom.
As I sat in a cafe recently I overheard a woman telling her friend about ‘her’ doula. I left that cafe beaming from ear to ear in the knowledge that a woman had felt nurtured throughout her pregnancy and birth. That she had reached out and received the care that us doulas ache for all women and birthing people to have. The fact that I had not been her doula didn’t even enter my mind…I was just purely, unequivocally overjoyed for her!

I would like to cordially invite you to meet our cuddle of Norfolk Doulas.
The website is still a work in progress but I’m too excited not to share. We have a number of super scrumptious doulas ready to walk with you through any part of your journey from bump through to parenthood and beyond. We are a brilliant collective of doulas, supporting each other, supporting you, passionately spreading oxytocin throughout the county. Because oxytocin is the shiz and non-judgemental support, care and love are ALWAYS necessary for EVERYONE!

So do head over to NORFOLK DOULAS and get in touch if you’d like to find out more or just have a chat!

Click HERE to find out what a doula is and all about my Birth and Pregnancy doula services.

DOULAS AREN'T JUST FOR DUCHESSES: Why you should have a doula for your first birth, just like Meghan

Doulas have been around since time memorial. They provide the ancient art of emotional, nurturing female support during the most vulnerable moments of a woman's life - the day she gives birth. The doula community doesn't shout about what we do. We work with families in strictest confidence, holding their secrets, the details of their journey and their personal stories, under lock and key in our mental filing cabinets. Behind the scenes we work tirelessly in whatever ways we can to change birth culture, to support vulnerable women, to spread good quality information, to counter the dearth of click bait rubbish and to spread as much emotional and practical care as possible. We're so busy doing all those things, that sometimes our voice is lost in the swamped advertising world where pregnant women and parents are cash cows to an ever growing industry of 'must have things'.

And this is why, when high profile women such as Meghan Markle reportedly choose to have a doula in her birth squad, we get very excited. We also get very excited because we know that she is going to have SO much love during her pregnancy and birth and that is what doulas want for ALL women.

Why should you have a doula for your first birth?

A doula will guide you through all the information

From the minute you see that positive line on the pee stick, your head can start swirling with pregnancy, birth and parenting stuff. It can be overwhelming can't it? The internet is full of articles, must have lists, forums, social media and opinions. Friends and family (invited and uninvited) share personal stories, advice and opinions. There's so much to wade through and it's almost impossible to work out what is good quality information, what will help and what will hinder.
This is where a doula exercises her super powers: she knows where to find the best quality, un-biased information. She has her finger on the pulse and can access the most up to date research so you can make informed choices about your pregnancy and birth. She has a tried and tested network of local services and pregnancy and birth professionals to whom she can refer you. If she doesn't know the answer to one of your questions, she knows where to go to find out. Her breadth of knowledge and experience is vast because she is continually updating and augmenting her professional training. With expert finesse she weaves together the newest scientific studies with ancient wisdom.

With a doula by your side, you don't need to waste hours trawling the internet, wrangle with confusion or feel overwhelmed.

A doula is your confidant on speed dial

Listening and truly hearing, with compassion, understanding and without judgement, is a skill a doula possesses. She does not default to 'fix' things, but instead will guide you through finding your own way so that you are always in control. Pregnancy, birth and impending parenthood can cause all kinds of complex emotions to surface and a doula will provide you with a safe space to work through your deepest fears and anxieties and your greatest hopes and wishes.

A doula supports you and your partner

In Meghan's case, her birth partner is also her husband and her baby's father. This is not always the case of course as your birth partner can be anyone you choose. Your doula will support you both and the unique relationship that you have, respecting your partner's role and significance to you. Often, the partner is also a parent, in which case a doula will also be deeply mindful of the experience of pregnancy and birth that the partner wishes to have.

Birth is a rollercoaster of a journey for the partner for whom it can be nerve wracking, confusing and exhausting. Their emotional state, their concerns and their hopes are also valuable. If they feel strong, supported and emotionally nourished then they are better birth partners. Doula support for partners is particularly poignant if curve balls throw the birthing journey onto a different track. I have found that couples are often surprised by the value that the birth partner received from having a doula present and how this enhanced the whole experience for the new family as a harmonious unit.

A doula is a member of your birth squad that YOU chose

I cannot speculate as to how much control Meghan has over who is in her birth squad, but most of us don't get to choose everyone in our medical team. The process of hiring a doula involves meeting and interviewing several candidates and then choosing one with whom you have 'chemistry'.

As your relationship grows with your doula during your pregnancy, your bond strengthens. Your connection becomes unlike any other. You trust her implicitly. She knows things about you, your relationships and your emotional state that few others do. She knows what you need when you are most vulnerable, whether that's a hug, soothing words, encouragement or a silly joke. Your trust in yourself grows as does your confidence and when you're in labour and see her face you feel bolstered, safe and strong. Whilst the rest of your medical care team may be excellent and/or familiar to you, their roles are very different from that of a doula who's primary concern is your emotional and psychological wellbeing.

Research shows that having a doula makes a difference

Having a doula does not guarantee any kind of outcome when it comes to birth. However, there is a growing body of evidence (Cochrane Review) to prove that the presence of a doula can have many benefits to the birthing process (shorter labour, less intervention, healthier babies, lower PND rates etc). This is not because she waves some sort of magic wand but because of all the points that I've raised above. Imagine having all of that wise, compassionate, agenda-free, non-judgemental, care, love and support.
How would that make you feel? safe? Secure? Held? Able to release fear and tension? Full of knowledge and instinct? Able to trust in your mind, body and the process?
How you 'FEEL' effects how you birth because your emotional state and your chemical state are intrinsically connected. And your cocktail of chemical hormones directly control your body's ability to birth.

It's not rocket science. It's basic biology.

Doulas are for everyone

“Yeah yeah, but I'm not a Duchess, how can I possibly afford a doula”, I hear you say. Well, here's the great news. The price of a birth doula can vary from a few hundred pounds to a couple of grand. Many doulas offer payment plans and skills swaps and some have personal schemes in place where they will be occasionally be able to support a client for free. Furthermore, around the country there are many initiatives set up to provide doula support to the most vulnerable women. Please do not write-off getting the support you would like before asking around your local doulas to see how they may be able to accommodate your situation.

So why should you have a doula for your first birth?

I guess the real question is, why wouldn't you?

“A woman, as long as she lives, will remember how she was made to feel at her birth”.

-Anna Verwaal

Thinking about hiring a Doula and want to know more?

I highly recommend this excellent little book, Why Doulas Matter by Maddie MacMahon (affiliate link).
Check out www.doula.org.uk and www.norfolkdoulas.co.uk to find your local Doulas.

To read about my doula services and how I can support you pop over to BIRTH DOULA, PREGNANCY DOULA.

Side Note: I have used the female pronoun for doulas, but there are a couple of male doulas in the UK.

Diary of a Pregnant Doula: First Trimester Round up

So it turns out that the third pregnancy goes even faster than the second! How is that even possible?! I feel as though my experience of time has gone totally DeLorian* on me. I remember those first three months of my pregnancy No.1 went achingly slowly. I was so eager to get to the first scan, the 'safe point' and to share our news with our families. Simultaneously I adored having this special secret...this little miracle thing that was happening in my body that belonged only to my husband and I. Now, with two children, whom I home educate during the week, a business with many facets and my other voluntary ventures, it's no wonder this pregnancy is going a little differently.

This first trimester has also been the hardest hitting in terms of sickness. I'm really lucky to have barely experienced anything resembling 'morning sickness' in either of my previous pregnancies but this one came with ten weeks of feeling like I was the colour green and my battery pack had been unplugged. My memory always goes to shit with pregnancy but this has been unprecedented...I'm double booking things, muddling days, forgetting basic vocabulary and loosing my keys...when I'm actually holding them(!). I'm pretty sure my brain has gone “THREE! Are you crazy...I'm outta here”.

This is my first pregnancy since becoming fully immersed in the world of birth work and it's been a fascinating journey for me already. This time around I'm much more nutritionally aware and despite going off food altogether during those 10 weeks of nausea, I have made more of an effort to consider the supplements that I take, up my hydration levels and generally focus more on my dietary requirements.

Starting as I mean to continue: making informed choices early on

I have begun my journey through maternity services by weighing up my choices at every stage. In this initial stage the only things that have been offered to me to consider have been the first ultrasound (or otherwise termed the 'dating' scan) and the three chromosomal abnormality screening test. In my previous pregnancies, screening for Down's Syndrome was available but not for Edwards’ and Patau's. My husband and I spent some time discussing which screening we would like and why. I read up on Edwards’ and Patau's and we really considered how a discovery that our baby might have one of these two syndromes could effect my pregnancy. It was an interesting journey and I realised that some 'routine' or innocuous looking tests that are offered might have huge ramifications.

We asked ourselves these questions (we didn't ask ourselves these questions with Down's only because we've already been a position where we've been offered this screening and know how we feel):

• What is Edwards’ and Patau's?

• What does a it mean for a baby?

• Would we choose to terminate? What would that look like? How would that effect my state of mind, our family etc?

• If not, what would that mean for the rest of the pregnancy and birth, carrying a tiny human with a condition 'not-viable with life'? What would that look like? How would that effect my state of mind, our family etc?

It's not entirely relevant what we chose to do, but starting the process of researching, analysing, hypothesising and discussing this offer, filled me with the confidence of being in control of my experiences and the next 6/7 months. In an odd way it also helped my husband and I to connect with the reality of having another human.

Sharing this experience with clients

I have totally loved teaching hypnobirthing and supporting doula clients whilst growing this little life. It's been magic talking to my wonderful clients about their journeys and then afterwards, thinking about my own. I always learn so much from the families with whom I work and have recently been making a mental note of the things that may enhance my own pregnancy and labour experience. When I am with my clients, I witness grace, intelligence, courage, honesty, team work, amazing strategies and I hear how they navigate all the complexities of their own contexts. Even before thinking to my own pregnancy and birth, I am all the better for having been party to their journeys.

Plans for the next trimester

I don’t really have any. We have the great benefit of already owning all the baby paraphernalia that we liked/found useful and we don’t have any of the general crap left that Pinterest told us to buy (curse you shiny pin boards). We also have bags of clothes, toys etc ready to go. We now know that babies are unpredictable and that our style of newborn parenting is to kind of just roll with it. So we don’t plan too much. I have started to give some thought to our birth plans though and I’m excited about starting preparations sometime over the next few months.

What has your First trimester been like? What have been your highs and lows? Has your second pregnancy differed from your first?

I’d love to hear your stories.

Disclaimer: Every woman and every perinatal experiences (pregnancy to motherhood) is entirely unique. My journey is just that, mine. In no way do my choices reflect on how I support others through their own journey. I support all pregnant people and their families through all their choices. You can read about why I've chosen to open my third pregnancy up to anyone who might want to follow along.

*Pardon the Back to the Future reference.